A monologue based on tomorrow's Gospel reading Matthew 11: 2-11. It may seem out of tune with the tinsel and bright lights of this time of year, but I thought it was appropriate to post even though I will not be using it tomorrow. The fear and uncertainty that some feel in the light of a the recent political developments and the high profile suicide of a young sportsman here in Northern Ireland this week in particular prompts the post. It was originally written when I was struggling badly with depression
and that undoubtedly coloured it. If truth be told it was a number of years before I felt well
enough to perform it.
The
voice of one calling in the wilderness – prepare the way for
the Lord…
Never
were there more ironic words in scripture… They shaped my life… my ministry… I
was ready to bring down the high and mighty to make the foundations for that
highway in the wilderness… preparing the way for God’s chosen one… But
honestly, I wasn’t really prepared myself… And to tell the truth I have felt
more like I was in the wilderness over recent weeks and months than all those
years in the howling wastes of desert around the Dead Sea… Was I right? Was he
the one? Or was all I had done wasted?
I’ve
had too much time to think… You would think I would be used to that given that
I had spent years alone in the desert in prayerful preparation… meditating on
God’s promises in scripture… But that was before, with something to aim for…
But I hadn’t expected to end up here… Discarded by God… locked away in the
depths of one of Herod’s many dungeons…
I
suppose I had gotten used to the popularity… and the notoriety… Crowds coming
out to me in the desert or down by the Jordan… knowing that I wasn’t afraid to
tell it how it is… Calling them all to change their ways, including those
self-righteous Sadducees and Pharisees… The only thing they could agree on was
how much they hated me… But after all the years of preparation… from when I was
child learning from my father and mother… it all seemed to be coming together…
My
parents had always told me that I was special… doesn't every parent? But they
said that I was a gift, not only to them in their old age, but to the people of
Israel…
You
would think that would have given me a big head but they said that I was sent
to prepare them for someone even more special… They even told me who it was to
be… my cousin Jesus… We didn’t see much of each other when we were young… he
grew up in Egypt and later in Nazareth… But I was weaned on stories of what had
happened before we were born…
But
later, as I went off to study in the desert, I heard that he was staying on in
his father’s carpenter’s shop as his apprentice…
And
I wondered whether my parents were right about him being so special… But then
after years apart, I was preaching down by the Jordan…
I
saw him coming and I thought… “This is it… all that I have been preaching about
is coming to be…”
“There
he is…” I said, “the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world…” I was
overjoyed… But even then the seeds of doubt were sown, when he came to be
baptised by me the same as any other sinner!
How
could he take away sins if he needed them washed away himself… Yes I could have
sworn that I saw the Spirit coming down on him like a heavenly bird and I heard
God saying that he was his son and that he was pleased with him… but I really
didn’t understand… I wanted to ask him all about it… But as soon as he appeared
he disappeared again… headed off into the desert, leaving me where I was… And
that was the last I ever saw of him... then everything started to fall apart…
Herod
sent his goons to get me… I had been preaching against him and his adulterous
relationship with his sister in law, Herodias… and whether it was him or her
got fed up with what I had to say, I don’t know, but I ended up in here… One
day preaching under the searing sun of the desert… The next in the dark and
cold of a dungeon… But I suppose that’s life… I just hadn’t expected it… I
wasn’t prepared…
And
down here, in the dark, the seeds of doubt germinated… was he the one? Or was I
wrong? Was my whole ministry a mistake? Had I wasted my life in the Judean
wastelands? So when some of the few followers I still had came to visit me, I
asked them to seek him out and ask him directly… Was he the one?
And
they did… and they came back to me, saying that he had told them “the blind
receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the
deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor.”
And I knew immediately what he meant… Isaiah… the same prophet whose
instruction to prepare the way had shaped my ministry, had promised that one
day such things would happen, when the one anointed by God’s Spirit had come…
And I HAD seen the Spirit come down on him… I HAD seen the beginnings of God’s
coming Kingdom… I just hadn’t really recognised it…
And
I still don’t really understand… I still wish I could be part of it… See the
kingdom come in all its fullness… rather than languishing in here. Why could I
not be out there working with Jesus to see it all accomplished? Where is God’s
will in all this? Would I be a distraction? Would people still flock to me
rather than follow Jesus? I don’t know… There’s certainly no fear of many
following me while I am in here. Most people know better than to risk bringing
Herod’s wrath down on their heads.
They
say he’s not as bad as his father was, but his lover Herodias is part of the
same rotten family… and she seems to have inherited all the old man’s
ruthlessness… so I don’t think I’m getting out of here any time soon… at least
not in one piece… even though Isaiah promises that the oppressed will be
released when God’s chosen one comes… But that’s me and my doubts again…
Oh
I don’t know… I don’t know what will happen with me… I don’t know what will
happen with Jesus… I can’t see the future any clearer than I can see anything
else in the darkness of this dungeon…
But
I hope and I pray that what my followers have said is true… That in what Jesus
has done we see a glimpse of God’s coming kingdom… A kingdom where there is no
more darkness, disease, death… or doubt.
Selah
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