The Emperor's New 3D Clothes


Last night was one of those rare evenings when my wife Sally and I had no childcare issues, and had cleared the diaries of work, so we headed off to see a film together. For ages I've wanted to see Avatar in 3D, and so wanted to catch it in the cinemas before it disappeared forever, or I have to spend thousands of pounds to install a TV/DVD system in the house to watch digital 3D at home if/when it arrives.

Only problem... Sally booked the tickets and went ahead of me to get them while I found a parking space for the car, but didn't realise that it was Avatar 3D I wanted to see. So I arrived at the cinema and asked where we picked up the glasses? "What glasses?" asked Sally. Cue one enormous huff... If ever there was proof that I am an unreconstructed spoilt brat in a middle-aged man's body last night was it.

I was determined I wasn't going to enjoy the film... And you know what... I didn't... But actually it wasn't simply because of a bad attitude... It was because, stripped of the magic of 3D, there was little left of substance that hasn't been done better in many other films.

Scoffers have described the Na'vi as 8 foot tall Smurfs and the film itself as "Pocahontas in Space" and they're not far wrong... That mixed with a late 1960s western (sympathetic to the Native American cause) rendered in CGI... they even use some pseudo-Native American terminology, such as the self-designation of the aboriginal people as "The People" and had "horse" riding tribes on the plains... Throw in a bit of post Vietnam/Iraq angst and some Gaian hocus-pocus about a planet-wide consciousness and you've got the whole thing down to a tee.

The only thing less three dimensional than the pictures (I really can't let it go) were the characters... not least the war-mongering ex-Marine Colonel, with all his macho-posturing and dialogue littered with references to "clicks". But at the end of the day it is the war-mongering approach that wins out in this film, as in most Hollywood films. Generally I don't mind that... some of my favourite films are old-fashioned westerns where "justice" blossoms (if not peace) from the barrel of a gun. But in this film the native people of Pandora are held up as some sort of paragon of what it means to be at one with the planet. Yet when push comes to shove, it is good old violence that saves the day, and the local deity/planetary consciousness even gets the wildlife to join in. Good job planet earth doesn't do the same with us... we'd have had our butts kicked long ago...

But on top of a dreadful script, paper-thin characters and an appalling half-baked underlying philosophy, the other thing is that it is way too long... Did no-one show Mr. Cameron how to use the scissors (or their digital equivalent) after "Titanic", which lasted almost as long as the ship's actual working life? 3 hours is WAY to long to watch so shallow a movie... especially in a huff. I haven't seen "The Hurt Locker" but I'm glad that it won the BAFTA for best picture and I hope that it, or anything else, wins the Oscar tonight. If nothing else they will be shorter than this... and that alone would get my vote... In this case less would definitely be more.

Actually in a small way I'm glad I saw this thing in 2D, because if the 3D effects are as amazing as people say it may have distracted me from the deficiencies in this. And that can often happen. We are now so blown away by the smoke and mirrors of movies these days, we miss the fact that many of them are totally insubstantial, like the Wizard of Oz whipping up a storm of special effects to cover up for his inadequacies. One of the few profound moments last night was when Jake Sully, the paraplegic "dreamwalker" (don't ask if you haven't seen it, I can't be bothered explaining) stated that he found it hard to tell what was reality any more... his paraplegic existence or as the Avatar. And that is increasingly true in movies; who knows what is real and what is little more than an up-market computer generated cartoon?

In this case without the rose-tinted (or should that be blue-tinted) 3D spectacles, we have, at best, an average movie. "I've seen the future and it's blue" said one enthusiastic advocate for the movie... I've seen the future, however, and its depressing...
Counters

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Woman of no Distinction

Don't often post other people's stuff here... But I found this so powerful that I thought I should. It's a performance poem based on John 4: 4-30, and I have attached the original YouTube video below. A word for women, and men, everywhere... "to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known."


I am a woman of no distinction
of little importance.
I am a women of no reputation
save that which is bad.

You whisper as I pass by and cast judgmental glances,
Though you don’t really take the time to look at me,
Or even get to know me.

For to be known is to be loved,
And to be loved is to be known.
Otherwise what’s the point in doing
either one of them in the first place?

I WANT TO BE KNOWN.

I want someone to look at my face
And not just see two eyes, a nose,
a mouth and two ears;
But to see all that I am, and could be
all my hopes, loves and fears.

But that’s too much to hope for,
to wish for,
or pray for
So I don’t, not anymore.

Now I keep to myself
And by that I mean the pain
that ke…
Keep reading

Advent Candle Liturgy 5: Christmas

Image
The culmination of our advent candle liturgy at Dundonald Methodist for this year. It can be used at a Christmas eve service or on Christmas morning... We'll be using it tomorrow...
Hope, peace, joy, and love. Four weeks, four candles, four promises made by God, and all of them find fulfillment in the one we light this morning: the Christ candle. In Christ we find the hope of transformation, the peace that this world cannot give, the fulfillment of joy and the love that embraces us in all our diversity and fallibility.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not overcome it. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world d…
Keep reading

An Epistle To Our Elected Leaders

Image
Dear DUP and Sinn Fein, 

My friend Stocki has already sent you, and our other political leaders, an open letter, and social media suggests that many agree with what he says (including myself), but I was already writing this when I saw his, and whilst it covers similar ground, and fewer may read this, I want to add my tuppence (especially since it takes a lot to get me writing these days!) And at the heart of it is this, I recognise that you both have a legitimate electoral mandate. The big question is what you do with it. Both of you have made great play of the fact that people voted for you on the basis of your statements before the election. Now I have no desire to get into the legitimacy of those positions. You campaigned on them and you each were elected on those platforms. Both of you grew your vote in a highly polarised election, and whilst the DUP lost a significant number of seats they are still the largest party. So you both have a mandate. And so far in the negotiations you …
Keep reading