Skip to main content

The Emperor's New 3D Clothes


Last night was one of those rare evenings when my wife Sally and I had no childcare issues, and had cleared the diaries of work, so we headed off to see a film together. For ages I've wanted to see Avatar in 3D, and so wanted to catch it in the cinemas before it disappeared forever, or I have to spend thousands of pounds to install a TV/DVD system in the house to watch digital 3D at home if/when it arrives.

Only problem... Sally booked the tickets and went ahead of me to get them while I found a parking space for the car, but didn't realise that it was Avatar 3D I wanted to see. So I arrived at the cinema and asked where we picked up the glasses? "What glasses?" asked Sally. Cue one enormous huff... If ever there was proof that I am an unreconstructed spoilt brat in a middle-aged man's body last night was it.

I was determined I wasn't going to enjoy the film... And you know what... I didn't... But actually it wasn't simply because of a bad attitude... It was because, stripped of the magic of 3D, there was little left of substance that hasn't been done better in many other films.

Scoffers have described the Na'vi as 8 foot tall Smurfs and the film itself as "Pocahontas in Space" and they're not far wrong... That mixed with a late 1960s western (sympathetic to the Native American cause) rendered in CGI... they even use some pseudo-Native American terminology, such as the self-designation of the aboriginal people as "The People" and had "horse" riding tribes on the plains... Throw in a bit of post Vietnam/Iraq angst and some Gaian hocus-pocus about a planet-wide consciousness and you've got the whole thing down to a tee.

The only thing less three dimensional than the pictures (I really can't let it go) were the characters... not least the war-mongering ex-Marine Colonel, with all his macho-posturing and dialogue littered with references to "clicks". But at the end of the day it is the war-mongering approach that wins out in this film, as in most Hollywood films. Generally I don't mind that... some of my favourite films are old-fashioned westerns where "justice" blossoms (if not peace) from the barrel of a gun. But in this film the native people of Pandora are held up as some sort of paragon of what it means to be at one with the planet. Yet when push comes to shove, it is good old violence that saves the day, and the local deity/planetary consciousness even gets the wildlife to join in. Good job planet earth doesn't do the same with us... we'd have had our butts kicked long ago...

But on top of a dreadful script, paper-thin characters and an appalling half-baked underlying philosophy, the other thing is that it is way too long... Did no-one show Mr. Cameron how to use the scissors (or their digital equivalent) after "Titanic", which lasted almost as long as the ship's actual working life? 3 hours is WAY to long to watch so shallow a movie... especially in a huff. I haven't seen "The Hurt Locker" but I'm glad that it won the BAFTA for best picture and I hope that it, or anything else, wins the Oscar tonight. If nothing else they will be shorter than this... and that alone would get my vote... In this case less would definitely be more.

Actually in a small way I'm glad I saw this thing in 2D, because if the 3D effects are as amazing as people say it may have distracted me from the deficiencies in this. And that can often happen. We are now so blown away by the smoke and mirrors of movies these days, we miss the fact that many of them are totally insubstantial, like the Wizard of Oz whipping up a storm of special effects to cover up for his inadequacies. One of the few profound moments last night was when Jake Sully, the paraplegic "dreamwalker" (don't ask if you haven't seen it, I can't be bothered explaining) stated that he found it hard to tell what was reality any more... his paraplegic existence or as the Avatar. And that is increasingly true in movies; who knows what is real and what is little more than an up-market computer generated cartoon?

In this case without the rose-tinted (or should that be blue-tinted) 3D spectacles, we have, at best, an average movie. "I've seen the future and it's blue" said one enthusiastic advocate for the movie... I've seen the future, however, and its depressing...
Counters

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Woman of no Distinction

Don't often post other people's stuff here... But I found this so powerful that I thought I should. It's a performance poem based on John 4: 4-30, and I have attached the original YouTube video below. A word for women, and men, everywhere... "to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known." I am a woman of no distinction of little importance. I am a women of no reputation save that which is bad. You whisper as I pass by and cast judgmental glances, Though you don’t really take the time to look at me, Or even get to know me. For to be known is to be loved, And to be loved is to be known. Otherwise what’s the point in doing either one of them in the first place? I WANT TO BE KNOWN. I want someone to look at my face And not just see two eyes, a nose, a mouth and two ears; But to see all that I am, and could be all my hopes, loves and fears. But that’s too much to hope for, to wish for, or pray for So I don’t, not anymore. Now I keep to myself And by that

Psalm for Harvest Sunday

A short responsive psalm for us as a call to worship on Harvest Thanksgiving Sunday, and given that it was pouring with rain as I headed into church this morning the first line is an important remembrance that the rain we moan about is an important component of the fruitfulness of the land we live in: You tend the land and water it And the earth produces its abundance. You crown each year with your bounty, and our storehouses overflow with your goodness. The mountain meadows are covered with flocks and the valleys are filled with corn; Your people celebrate your boundless grace They shout for joy and sing. from Psalm 65

Anointed

There has been a lot of chatter on social media among some of my colleagues and others about the liturgical and socio-political niceties of Saturday's coronation and attendant festivities, especially the shielding of the anointing with the pictured spoon - the oldest and perhaps strangest of the coronation artefacts. Personally I thought that was at least an improvement on the cloth of gold canopy used in the previous coronation, but (pointless) debates are raging as to whether this is an ancient practice or was simply introduced in the previous service to shield the Queen from the TV cameras, not for purposes of sacredness, but understandable coyness, if she actually had to bare her breast bone in puritan 1950s Britain. But as any church leader knows, anything performed twice in a church becomes a tradition. All this goes to show that I did actually watch it, while doing other things - the whole shooting match from the pre-service concert with yer wumman in that lemon-