It's been a while since I've done a longer "end of year reflection"-type blogpost, and given that fewer people than ever are reading this blog (or indeed any blog if media-watchers are to be believed), I am under no allusions that this is more for my own benefit than anyone else. Its slightly ironic in that I picked up the questions that frame this from a tweet by Courtney Martin, via the feed of Sarah Williamson, given that I have seriously backed off social media in general, and Twitter in particular in the second half of this year, indeed that may be the single biggest thing about this year for me... My motivations for that? Well maybe that will emerge as this reflection progresses.
1. What was the best adventure you had this year?
This has been a largely "adventure-free" year... Indeed, despite numerous short trips to various places, most have been about doing as little as we could get away with, rather than anything new... But there is a degree to which this year has been one of "reining-back" rather than pushing into new things in general. But the walking tours Sally and I did in London at the end of November were a real joy...
2. What was the best book you read, TV show you watched, or podcast you listened to?
I've already posted on social media my list of best books in various categories... But for those who missed this, here they are again:
- Science/Natural History: The Meaning of Birds by Simon Barnes
- Irish Non-Fiction: Living with Ghosts by Brian Rowan
- Biography: The Great Reformer by Austen Ivereigh
- Autobiography: Year of the Mad King by Antony Sher
- Humour: Twas the Nightshift before Christmas by Adam Kay
- Theology: Rewilding the Church by Steve Aisthorpe
- Poetry: R.S. Thomas edited by Anthony Thwaite
- Drama: The Odyssey a Dramatised Retelling by Simon Armitage
- General Fiction: Cilka's Journey by Heather Morris
- Irish Fiction: The Raptures by Jan Carson
- Historical Fiction: Sharpe's Assassin by Bernard Cornwell
- Detective Fiction: The Dark Remains by William McIlvanney & Ian Rankin
I could also provide a similar list for TV shows and podcasts if I could be bothered, but I'm not as anal about them as I am about books. We've largely stopped watching terrestrial TV except for a few old feel-good favourites (Bake-Off, Sewing Bee, House of Games, Strictly) and even then we often watch those on catch-up. I have also largely eschewed "grim" series, as I haven't felt emotionally robust enough for some time now. Series like "Modern Family" and "Abbot Elementary" have proved to be good switch-off material. We've never been followers of "I'm a Celebrity" or "Love Island" and so were slow to turn to "The Traitors" (compounded by the fact I hate the "Mafia" party game it is largely based on, but it turned into our TV programme of the year. Avoiding social media meant that we came late to it and binge-watched over about a week. It was psychologically fascinating. I would be rubbish at it!
Podcasts have largely replaced radio for me when I am travelling or walking, and seem to have supplanted blogs for everyone else... Everyone seems to have a podcast now (of varying quality). I use a feed called "Podcast Addict" which keeps my phone well stocked with suitably varied listening, ranging from "You're Dead to Me" (a humorous take on history), to "The Bible for Normal People", "Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast" to "Jay Rayner's Out to Lunch" and a couple of in-house BCM and MCI podcasts. But the most interesting one of the last year has been "The Trojan Horse Affair" about the appalling mismanagement of the alleged, but probably hoax, Islamicization of Birmingham schools. Not the most hope-filled but compelling...
3. What “current event” really broke your heart this year?
Whilst the political incompetence of the Conservative government in Westminster and the DUP here in the face of an economic meltdown, unravelling of devolved government and collapse of the Health Service would break anyone's heart, it is such a given now I have almost become hardened to it. So it is hands-down the invasion of Ukraine, but probably exacerbated in the past week in learning (and I use that word advisedly, having been completely ignorant of it before) of the even greater loss of life in Tigray, ignored by western European media. Human beings really can be completely inhumane when we set our minds to it.
4. What are you missing most about the smaller life you led in the throws of the pandemic? How might you bring that smallness back in some nourishing way?
Not sure that I would describe my life in the pandemic as smaller. It was frenetic to begin with. But the lack of meetings and physical events opened up space for being rather than doing, and for different vehicles for creativity. This was bolstered by a greater sense of teamwork and "we're all in this together though apart" which has largely evaporated as people are now paddling their own canoes frantically to keep up with the pace of resumed "normality."The appreciation of simple things including nature, the ability to get out and walk and linking up with friends was also good, and my answer to the next question will hopefully allow some more of that.
5. What did you shed, let go of, or give up this year? How did you get lighter?
I stepped down from a fairly demanding board post in the past year, which certainly freed up some time, but a lot of that was quickly absorbed by in-house crises. In the past I have laid down posts only to take up others, often being enticed into them by people massaging my ego, which enjoys being on the inside and seen as a person who "can and will do", but I have resolved not to do so this time, as I ultimately don't find boards and committees very fulfilling. As such I am engaged in a strategy of stepping down from the majority of my administrative board posts by the end of 2023 to mid-2024, allowing me effectively a 7 year stretch of more creative space before professional retirement. Let's see how that goes...
6. What are you grieving? How could you carry that grief more collectively?
I am largely grieving the lingering death of the form of institutional church that I have served for most of my adult life, and some local manifestations of it in particular. Like any human death people respond in a range of ways as catalogued by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and others, but I have been sadly shocked this year in the self-destructive way that some respond... either with anger (occasionally with me as the target... which I can live with, even if it isn't much fun), or inertia... We really do need some senior people to be a lot more honest about where we are with all this. Otherwise, as I have often found, I will find myself somewhat isolated...
By the way, the death of a particular model of denominationalism, or even Christendom, is not the end in my eyes... As with the death of an individual I hold on to a "sure and certain hope..."
7. How did your body love moving this year? How could you integrate that more into the year ahead?
Didn't do as much walking as in the "Covid-Years"... Need to factor that in more again, as when it did happen it felt good physically and spiritually. So Sally and I will be resuming our Sunday lunchtime walks (if anyone wants to join us you would be welcome), and I think I am going to seek out more local walking tours, as well as walking to or from work when I don't have to be in 300 places on the one day.
As for boundaries, well increasingly my engagements with people are either professional or with those whom I choose to be with, and with my partial disengagement from social media, including an almost total abstention from social media controversy, my mental health is much better... There is simply no point in debating on such platforms with people who refuse to acknowledge diversity and complexity, but simply want to shout every other perspective down.
8. Who made you feel most heard this year? Who did you learn to have better boundaries with?
Interesting question for someone who hangs his opinions and perspectives out for everyone to see here. But there are few people that I feel I can be really honest with. Even colleagues that I value and trust have, at times, competing priorities that mean they don't necessarily have the time to spend listening to me ranting, nor can they fully address my concerns. So I really do value those friends who have taken the time, listened and asked the right questions, especially one that Sally and I spent time with recently who enabled me to more freely open up about the trajectory of the next 10 years, not something I am comfortable doing.As for boundaries, well increasingly my engagements with people are either professional or with those whom I choose to be with, and with my partial disengagement from social media, including an almost total abstention from social media controversy, my mental health is much better... There is simply no point in debating on such platforms with people who refuse to acknowledge diversity and complexity, but simply want to shout every other perspective down.
9. What was a thing you had a hard time admitting to yourself this year?
As most of you know I had a collection of my poetry/reflections published this year, which filled me with inordinate joy (ooops the sin of pride)... but I was under no allusions that it was going to appear on many "best books of the year" blog lists, and I have not been disabused of that, despite one really positive review in the Methodist Recorder. I will continue to scribble such things, and there are already plans afoot for further airing of my creative endeavours (check our the 4 Corners Festival in 2023 for example). But with less of my professional and, and indeed earthly, life ahead than behind, I have now largely set aside the artistic, broadcasting and academic pretentions that I might have had earlier in my ministry, and indeed to relatively recently. I seem to have disappeared off the radar with the BBC, and contracting covid-19 during 4 Corners 2022 demonstrated that though I was missed I was far from indispensable. I will continue to make the most of the creative opportunities afforded to me, but I no longer expect them to come with any sort of frequency and don't have the time or energy to pursue them myself, when, clearly, others don't see in me what I thought was there...
10. What completely ordinary thing are you most grateful for right now in your life?
Friends... So here is too more opportunities to connect with good friends in 2023.
Shalom
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