Nice Baps

                What follows is a short skit that could introduce the bit of Mark Gospel that this week's recommended lectionary reading (Mark 6:30-34, 53-56) misses out, ie the Feeding of the 5000. It was adapted for a Northern Irish context and idiom from the original "Nice Rolls" by Jonathan Mortimer, now Vicar of All Saints Parish in Peckham, in his CPAS booklet, "See What I Mean?"

Young man and an older woman are standing eating baps/rolls
Man:         Nice baps Mrs!
Woman:   I beg your pardon young man!? (folding arms) How dare you !?
Man:         No, sorry… (holding out bap) I meant these…
Woman:   Sorry… I thought you were being rude…
Man :        No… Not at all… Have you any idea what’s in them, Mrs?
Woman:   I’m not sure. Fish I think...
Man:         Do you know what time it is by any chance?
Woman:   (Looks at watch, then holds it to ear shocked) I don’t believe it.
Man:         What’s wrong?
Woman:   It’s nearly half eight. I should have been home ages ago… My husband will be raging that I didn’t have his dinner ready…
Man:         Nearly half eight! Never! That means we’ve been here over eight hours... No wonder I was ravenous before we got these baps.
Woman:   I thought it was only 4.
Man:         Me too!  Mind you! Shows what a good speaker he is!
Woman:   What?
Man:         Well I mean, there’s not many people I could listen to for 8 hours.
Woman:   Certainly not the man I listen to every sabbath.
Man:         I really like his stories. What about the one about the shepherd leaving 99 of his flock to find one lost sheep?
Woman:   Or the woman who turned the house upside down to find one of her dowry coins ?
Man:         Or the farmer sowing seed! Never thought of myself as a bit of soil before. Have you Mrs?
Woman:   Can’t say I have...
Man:         Mind you I wouldn’t believe everything you hear about him...
Woman:   Like what?
Man:         You know, all that stuff about him touching people and making them well, turning gallons of water into wine... That sort of thing!
Woman:   Oh yes! I had heard that!
Man:         There’s even talk he brought a wee girl back to life. Dead as a doornail she was and everyone weeping and wailing outside, then he talks to her and up she gets. Ridiculous! A load of rubbish...
Woman:   Yeah, ridiculous. Mind you, these are good baps...
Man:         Yeah, I wonder where he got them?



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